Sunday, April 5, 2015

Rest In Peace

My name is Adrian. I am laying in that coffin right over there; I've asked a friend to read this for me since I can't do it for obvious reasons. Nobody knows me better than myself, so why bother anyone else to write an eulogy on me? I'm sure I'd love it, but I bet that whatever it'll be said, it would only describe what the eye meets and what I wanted others to know. See, I've always hated how people become this saint-like once they pass away; they're immediately everyone's best friend, everyone will miss them, they are family oriented, high school graduate, a leader in the community, a loss indeed. But they leave out the bad stuff they did --…Why?

Not me, though. This is why I wanted to write this myself so you remember me exactly how I was, and you can nod in agreement. No shame. If you really know me, you will nod in agreement.

Family: I always bragged how much my Mother, brothers and I overcame in life, but behind the curtains I was also stressed out and I made mistakes. I argued with Mother several times over the years; more than often, I shut the door on my brothers so they'd leave me alone; a couple of times I blamed my situation on my family; I said and did things that I regret even now that I am dead. Thank God that I rectified my actions in time! And hopefully, my family and I left in good terms. As I always said, no matter the situation, we always stayed together; and this is how I learned that they are the most valuable  treasure in my life. I appreciate my Mother more than anything, with her flaws and all, she did what she could in a place where opportunities were limited. I love my siblings - from the ones that made it on their own, to the ones that I saw grow up into the strong hardworking men they are now. Fate took us in different paths, but God has been with us all along; I may not be very religious, or go to church every Sunday, but I prayed to thank the goods that I've gotten, and also for the bad moments that helped me get stronger. I guess you can say that Faith works miracles.
Mitchell: For years you put up with my shit. My controlling and jealous rants. My lazy and Ugly days. My sickness and my down times. My skinny and my fat phases. My moodiness and my unexpected rage. I love you like I've never loved anyone else. You took me in when you didn't have to, and you dealt with what others didn't get to see, and I hope I wasn’t as bad as I think I was. Sure I had my good moments, but I admit that I am a very hard person to live with, and I cannot express enough how grateful I am to God that I found you and that you loved me to the extent to stick around for this long. Please take care of our babies, as you know very well, I love them so much that my heart ached as I took my last breath. They will watch after you as I watch over you from above in heaven or below in hell, wherever they send me; I'm sure that I'll be having fun with homies James Dean and Amy Winehouse. I'll say hi for you.
Friends: Most than likely, I made fun of you at some point and I told you it was just a joke, and it was; but if you still resent me for such act, I understand. I hurt your feelings, and I feel bad about it, but it probably needed to be said, and you know it so get over it. I still love you, eternally. Also, I'm sorry I bailed in our promised dates that we were supposed to hang out but I canceled because I was having an Ugly Day, or simply because I was lazy and I wanted to bum around the house. I apologize if I ever disappointed you which I'm sure I did. I'm sorry when I called you a bitch, when I lied to you and I didn't give you a ride. I'm sorry for not filling in when your date bailed, and for not making it to your wedding and children's birthdays. I'm sorry I didn't get your Christmas presents. I'm sorry if I ever talked shit about a friend of yours just because I didn't stand them; or if I hated on your favorite singer which I did all the time -but admit that I had better taste in music! I'm sorry if I missed a important event in your life and that our friendship strained by distance in between; I should have been more annoying and stayed in touch. I promise to come visit you often now that I will have the chance to just chill. Evil laugh.

Other people: I fucking hated you. There was a reason why I was rude and mean to you. Don't cut me off or flip me off when I'm driving, bitch I followed your ass home. Don't try to act superior than me or anyone else, I will bring you back down to Earth spelling each word so you understand how much of an idiot you are. Don't act tough in front of me, I will laugh, sneak a picture and post it all over the internet to expose your trashy ass; if there's anything I was good at, it was probably my avid talent to destroy names. I was probably a scumbag, coward, afraid of confrontation and a punk ass bitch. And that's okay with me. You can say it, if you think it as well. I matured in the past decade, and you probably met the improved Adrian, but don't forget the mean things I did and said, please, because I meant every single one. I faced the consequences of each act on its time, and I will be the one in God's presence to explain myself; so don't worry, speak up and say it how it is. God knows I wasn't an angel, and the devil knows what I still keep to myself.