Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Better in Time

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason.. Regardless of the situation, good or bad, it will get better. Had I been employed, I'd probably end up with a nervous breakdown; I know myself and I have been there more than a couple of times. Sad to say but I am used to it, and I'll be okay. Hope will never wither. I'll keep the light on, night and day, until the storm passes through; and I'll be standing with open arms. The future is just a second away and we must make the best of it.
I will come back to this vague paragraph, and hopefully with a better input; for now, let's focus on what to do while I'm off work.

I have started the story I always wanted to tell. It's not the greatest American novel, but I reckon there are a few people that would enjoy reading something that they might not be familiar with or feel related. There has to be a place willing to publish it, or I will invest my own money, but I do believe that it needs to be heard. I have given away a couple of chapters here and there, and I have received some good feedback. I used some excerpts for my AP English class and my teacher approved; I used it again in Composition Class in college and I got some good pointers once more. Obviously, I may need some more proofreading due to English being my second language, and I am open to some good constructive criticism. My dream to become reality soon, if not this year, is to be a published writer. Surely, I will probably be categorized in the LGBTQ genre,  and I'm okay with that; I want to give a voice to this community. We all may think that everyone is gay friendly, but if you only walked on our shoes for a day, your opinion would quickly change. Ignorance goes both ways, and including within the community; we all need to speak openly and break the taboo. And this is what I want to do, and it is my goal. I don't write only about gay issues, but most of it tends to fall into that. If you're interested, let's pull up a chair and chat over coffee; I love to exchange opinions and learn from others.

And with that being said, I conclude this entry. Let's hope for the best, personal and professionally. Cheers.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Love Guru

Every person with a partner brings baggage into their relationship; the trick to keep it healthy, I would say, is to give five little things that will make a huge difference in the end. And God knows that I learned the hard way! It took me till 2010 to come up with these "requirements" to date me, when I hit rock bottom and I thought I was destined to stay alone for the rest of my life. I know, pretty dramatic.
We all have that one friend that keeps on saying "fuck love", "team single", "I'm doing me", "Me, myself, and I". And if you can't think of someone in your circle of friends that fits this description, then, I have bad news for you: you are that annoying friend. But truth is, you do care and you do want someone to come home to, or spend hours on the phone until late night talking about nothing. Mankind needs of each other; don't try to feed me other bull. Either way, let's go back to the points that have helped me be the best for my partner, and expect the same in return.

Always tell it as it is, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you. Recently, I must confess, I broke news to my boyfriend of almost three years, and for a few hours I thought I was going to lose him. It's a feeling that I do not wish upon anybody; I cannot even describe it. But we are working through it. Our deal was clear, and we are following through our compromise. After I finally verbalized what I wanted to say for a while now, it all became real --the past and the response. But it's out in the open and it feels different, even awkward, but it is better. And it can only move forward from here.

Before anything, we are humans and have feelings. We need to set boundaries and be careful to never step over them. For your own good as well. It's only common sense. No need to explain, I hope.

Once we've set the boundaries, be aware that there is a reason why we have put these in the first place. I told Mitchell that my family is very important to me (which is the main reason why I kept quiet what I recently revealed to him) and he now knows more than anything how far I would go for them. I also know where he stands with his family, and we both compromise to attend to both sides. It's only fair, since our families have been nothing but supportive from the moment they knew about us. But that is only one example of this aspect. There are several, depending on what you and your partner have going on in your lives.

If you are giving your best, and your partner reciprocates, your relationship should be in a good place. The past three things will bring you to trust each other, and be able to do your own thing without doubting or thinking what the other is really doing. Some times it happens, I know I used to do this all the time, but with time, I've gotten better. I mean, after two whole years, I better have this down, right? But here and there, I always spot the hoe trying to come in between; but I just have to breathe in and let it slide. Mitchell knows what he'll be losing if he fucks up. And I know that I will be losing probably the best I've found if I did.

And every now and then, spend some time on your favorite hobby and give each other some time alone. I know I need it when I want to write or just go through my notebooks looking for things to write about. Mitchell knows that my sacred time in the office is to not be interrupted, and everybody is happy. Yes, I am a maniac when it comes to details, I am very annoying -and you'd know this if you know me well or if you work with me. But you'll be okay if you have a chance to clear up your head by doing something that relaxes you; or whatever you do to focus again.

But just remember that LOVE is giving your heart to someone and hoping they won't break it. Love is taking a risk, and giving your all to keep it growing. Love is a flower, don't squeeze it too hard, and always water it.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Just a Thought.

Today I want to tell you about a wonderful woman that sculptured who I am today.
My Grandmother Catalina.

I grew up calling her Mom. She cured my illness; she quenched my thirst and fed me what we could afford; she whooped my ass when I misbehaved; she was proud of me for every award I won at school, and she made sure that I had the necessary to get an education. That was her dream, for me to go to school. Up to the last moment, her wish was to better myself. And although there is so much to do, I still want to share this with all of you, whoever you are, friends or random readers, my mom has been gone for three years and these memories fill my heart with mixed emotions, and my vision blurs.
My mom lost her husband when the youngest of their 11 children was a toddler. She never married again, or dated to the least. She dedicated her life to work and raise the rest of the kids she still had at home, and that is what she did. The times were different, and her iron fist comes from traditional and probably uneducated background, but she managed, and she raised us the best she could. Today, seven of my uncles live with their wives and have raised their children the same way our mom did; of course they have gone through difficulties in their marriages, but they worked through it, and keep going strong. The four females she raised, one of them being my birth mother, took a different paths toward their point where they're at now, but they made it, and today they stand proud to be who they are, and the family. And it is a pretty big family indeed, and I wish I was close to them, and have a big Mexican reunion, but we are all spread out over the country, and after Mom's passing, it feels like the glue has wore off. It's not the same. Maybe because, obviously, Mom is gone and we feel her absence when we're together, but wouldn't that be what she'd like us to do? To stick together as if she were here? Not that we are strangers now, no, but... I don't know. Maybe I am looking into this a little too much, and I am a little too much of a sensitive person. Who knows.
My point is to share the legacy that my Mom left. An amazing woman that worked like a man, in the fields, raised kids and shaped them up when they tried to act out, and took me in when she didn't have to. The story behind my birth changes from person to person, but a wise advice was given when I tried to research the truth; what is it to me what happened twenty years ago? I am alive, and I am a pretty decent human being. I have good values, health, and work ethic. I should be just thankful, and live on. So I guess, if there is anything to get out of this post is, every now and then we should take a minute to step back and look at the big picture in our lives, and be appreciative of what we have and the people that stands with us. Some times that's all it takes to realize that life isn't bad after all.