Monday, April 29, 2013

Change Of Heart

Sundays are usually chill and easy, at work, but yesterday just didn't feel right.
I went in to work with this knot in my chest, but I ignored it once the BF came in to visit for a little bit.
We got busy, so I had one second person get back on the clock, and help us out clean up and close. Every thing seemed normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. The BF left so I could finish cleaning up the lobby, and once I'm done, I head towards the office as I make sure my coworker is doing fine with the order she's about to cash out; half way to the office, I turned around to get something, and that's when my legs gave up and I fall to the ground when I hear "GIVE IT ALL UP!" and a shotgun is shoved through the Drive Thru window. My coworkers first reaction was to run to the back of the kitchen, and as I try to react, I see the man in black hoodie and half covered face trying to get in through the window, or what it seemed like it.
I can only manage to scream at my coworkers to go to the office, and we lock ourselves in there until the cops show up. 
I cannot describe how I felt at the moment. Today, I feel angry.
It went from freaked out and scared, to unsafe, to powerless for not doing much for my coworkers as I should have, to absolutely angry at the world. I was refusing to write about it, but it helps me clear my head, and I feel like this way I won't have to relive it in my head over and over; I had enough of it last night when the cops, doing their job, continued to ask the same questions forcing us to replay the scene. I'm done repeating myself regarding last night's events. I just want to feel safe, and that my coworkers can trust people again. It is not fair that we are staying in late to work for our paychecks while other low-life dirtbags think is okay to point a gun at you and terrorize you to give them money. Not okay at all. What kind of people just decide to do this for a living? I cannot comprehend the reasoning behind it, and honestly, I don't give a fuck about any of them. I just want them off the streets. Sadly enough, I am sure they have people that do care about them, and it'd be selfish of me to wish them death, but when you are in a place that you can't feel safe anymore, you will probably think the same that I do. God forgive me for such words, but for ten years I struggled with my family, some times we only had money to keep a roof over our heads, and we'd manage to eat whatever we could at school, and AT WORK while we waited on the next paycheck  to buy some groceries, if we had any leftover money after paying utilities; but never we had the idea to go and rob others to keep us well. Ten fucking years of struggle, but it never crossed my mind to stray off the path that I know was the right one, and do something so stupid and dirty. NEVER.
So if you read this, don't judge me. Let me vent my anger, please, I may change my mind in a couple of weeks, when I recover and feel somewhat safe again, but for now, I just want to say what it's eating my mind, and try to make the healing process faster. I am not a hateful person, I know I'll find the strength to forgive and forget, and leave it up to the MAN up above, that's all I can do for now.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Family Portrait

There was a time when my siblings and I didn't meet eye to eye; and it's normal, siblings fight and argue and laugh together and argue some more. There was a time when I had enough of my mother, and I was coming to the point of blaming her for my failures in life; and I wanted out. But then, life smacked me in the face and brought me back to reality.
One time, I couldn't find one of my brothers; he said he'd be at one place, and he wasn't. His phone was off, and nowhere to be found. It was the worst feeling I have ever felt in my entire life. Then, I get in trouble, and my mother scrambles all over the place to bond me out. The time that I was taken away, I realize that I cannot live without my family; they are everything to me. We have been through hell and back, but together -not many people can say that. I love my brothers, and my sister. I love my mother. We all had our differences at times, but we make it work, just like any other families do. Not matter what, we have made it through the darkest of the days. Perseverance.

A year and a half since I've moved out, I visit home and it's like old times every time. But I know that the years have gone by too fast. The youngest one is almost out of high school; the middle child is soon to be in his twenties; and my mother is still supporting us every step of the way. In the meantime, I'm here with my boyfriend, living together, making a family, happy and working on our goals.

Just want to let you know, tell your loved ones that you love them. I do.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Gay Relationship Are NOT Normal

Mitch and I have been together for a year and seven months. We've had, and still do, our share of fights, arguments, tears, laughs, boredom, naps, dances, parties, serious discussions, do laundry, cook, clean our house, worry about bills, worry about jobs, support each other when things aren't going well, visit each other's family, we adopted a puppy, we share responsibilities. So how would anyone dare to say that our relationship is different? We do what other couples do. How would anyone dare to say that what we have is
not what God intended? More importantly, how would anyone dare to speak in His behalf?
I'm not here to judge or hate on anyone for what they believe in, I'll leave that job to them. I'm here to share my happiness with ya'll, our support system, our friends and family that have been with us all along.

In 2011, while Mitch and I played the "question time" game to get to know each other, we learned that we both love vlogging; I may love it more than he does, maybe, since I'm constantly doing something, but that's besides the point. So somehow we came up with the idea of filming our lives throughout our relationship and see what happens, just for fun; that idea developed into a 'documentary' to show that gay couples are just like any other couples. We go through the same things, or mostly the same, from laughter to anger to jealousy to understanding to learning your partner's living habits, etc.
However, in the present day 2013, I no longer feel like we have ANYTHING to prove. The back up that Mitch and I have from our loved ones is something that bigots cannot take away from us; they can keep their sanctity of marriage, their 'family values' and their normalty, we have YOU that accept us for who we are, and not for who love. Mitch's family have come a long way, and I couldn't be happier for him, and for them; I've seen how fond they are of him, and it melts my heart to know that he is able to share his happiness with them too. On my side, my biggest fear was to give my younger brothers a bad image or bad example; I am not a role model of any kind, I must say, but I did my best to let my brothers know that they must learn from their mistakes and move forward. I came out to my mother, and she has been supportive ever since; my brothers figured it out on their own, with my slight hints and introducing them to the positive side of being gay -such as, we are human being after all. Shows like Will & Grace helped a lot; it's funny and it captured different type of gay guys. Dawson's Creek showed the pain that teens go through to come out. Degrassi was graphic about the bullying at school, and the fear we have to tell anyone. So yes, they have always been on my corner. And I couldn't be any luckier.

After long nights of going through months of footage, I'm done with Series One of our documentary, and we're ready for you all to see it. I hope you enjoy, and we'll keep filming as long as you all keep watching. Let us know what you think of our Crazy.Beautiful.Life.

Here's the link:
Suscribe. Like. Share.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Bipolar

I know that my last posts have been very depressing, and maybe a little too on the complaining side, but I'll make sure that this one isn't -as much. I just have not much going on, I mean, life nowadays is just work and home, which I am okay with; the point is, some times I am just boring. Hopefully the nice weather will help my mood, and boost it up ten times because God knows I need it. If you know me well, and I probably already said it, winter is not my season.

Anyway, as of last night at the job, I realized that I am not as tough as I used to be. Two summers ago, I was more strict when it came down to it, but today, I am a softy; I always have been. Yeah, I need to step my game up, I think. I mean, I am not demanding, I just am the way I need to be to get the job done, and that's what I get paid for. So yeah, if I have to keep someone till 2am to scrub the floors the way I want them done, I will. I had before. I do help when it's needed though, it's not like I just stand by and watch them work which I should because it is not in my job description. I was told that it's impossible to have done what I want them to in a fast pace; I reply, it is not. I did it when I was a crew member. There are others who are doing it. It takes practice, and common sense, but it can be done. I was not promoted to management for my pretty face which helps, but it wasn't mainly why; I believe I am damn good at it, and I can prove it anytime.

Now, in the positive side, as I was ironing my shirts today, I remembered when my Grandma used to get up at 5am to iron, and some times I would get up and read to her; it was the time when I was learning how to read, and I wanted to read pretty much anything. She would listen to me, or humor me, who knows! Point is, it made me miss her more than ever. And the other night, I was making tea for Mitch, and the smell of the tea made my eyes water. It was the tea she would have with her toast. It's been two years since she passed away, and I know she must be happy to be with her family again, those loved ones before us, but I can't help shed a tear here and there. She raised me, she made me who I am today, she spanked me when it was needed, and made sure that I took education very seriously. She did what she could, and she did an amazing job with me if I must say. But I will meet her again some time later when my time is done here.
With this said, NEVER TAKE FOR GRANTED ANY OF YOUR LOVED ONES.