Friday, March 29, 2013

Birthday Boy

And the countdown begins!
If I take a look back to reflect on what this decade in the US has made of my life, I could sadly say that I let some good opportunities pass me by for the fear of rejection, failure, and embarrassment. I am the one to blame, and I can do nothing about it now, but to say, DAMN WHAT IF?

I don't want to do that, though.
Yet, if I am going to move on, I need to let go of regrets, and look at what I actually accomplished.

In a few more years, I will no longer be in my twenties (which will suck because I will have to change the name to this blog, and I really like it), and I want to make the transition as painless as I can :)
I won't be a "young man" anymore. I will be more accountable for every single move I make. As of right now, I can still get away with some stuff, but not as many as I would want to; it's not okay, but I can put it on my inexperience. Five years from now, my mother will be the one to tell me that I know better than to do whatever I may be doing; no excuses, no BUTs. Actually, my mother wouldn't have to tell me anything because I myself would be wiser enough to differentiate; anyone in their right mind must know when we fuck up. It's common sense. It's logic.
I don't know where this blog is going, I guess I'm just rambling, scared of knowing that I am slowly falling into my old age, and it's scary indeed. For example, what am I doing with my life? Is what I'm doing the right decision? What if I fail? What if I don't get to where I want to get? I don't want to feel like that teenager I once was, that teenager was mean for a reason: he was fucking terrified of growing up.

Today, I have a family to support. A mother that will soon become older, and she'll probably end up in my care, and I feel like I haven't accomplished enough. I feel like what I have, what I once felt proud of, is not going to cut it anymore. Am I the only one with this fear going through my mind? Is there anyone else feeling like this? I want my birthday to be a happy one, but the more I think about it, the more scared I get.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Like A Boss

Number one, I talk smack, but I back it up, most of the times -after all, I am only human. Sometimes I may talk out of my ass, and who hasn't?! However, I am going to go back and apologize when I am in the wrong. And today, and lately as matter of fact, I haven't been.

This blog is about my job. I manage a fast food place, as you all should know since you are my friends and stuff, but in these four years that I've worked there, NEVER have I ever called anyone MY EMPLOYEES just because I am in a higher position. Bitch, we make tacos and burritos!
I am the one to blame when something goes wrong in the store.
I am the one that faces the angry customers when we mess up.
I am the one to respond when money is missing or the inventory doesn't add up.
But this does not give me any more power over anyone. I don't own the place. I don't pay any of them out of my own pocket. I am just another employee. I am as replaceable as they are. We all are. And this rant comes from probably a very innocent comment someone made about me, but I cannot seem to let go; it still bothers me. I am sorry, it is childish to be upset over this, but I can't help it. It's just a matter of choosing your words. If you know me, as Mitch does, I am very picky when I speak; for once, English is my second language so I feel like I have to be very careful with my vocabulary just so I don't get my message misinterpreted, or lost in translation. And second, I carry myself as a smart man, an educated man -but with some flaws still- and I don't want to say something that will be dragged longer than it's needed to be, as this is. I believe we all should do this. Nowadays, there is no excuse for anything.

Now I know who I am, and where I stand, so it is time to let it slide. The person didn't even realize the expansion of the ripple that her comment made, and ignorance is indeed a bliss. But I am taking option C, and I am going to move on. I am not going to brag of how good I am at my job, which I know I am:) but I will tell you this much, you come to my store and you treat us nicely, and you will be golden.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Blog Without A Reason

Life has become monotonous. I haven't checked off any of my New Year's resolutions, not that I ever had, but I was hoping that this year would be different; I know, there is no one else to blame but me. I should try harder and get to it. And it's not like my life is very hectic at this point in life, I just have been slacking, if I must say the truth; that's what I mean when I say life is monotonous. I wake up, I check Facebook/ Tumblr/ Instagram/ Twitter/ YouTube/ etc, sometimes I reply to texts messages, and then it's time to work, and my day is gone. Winter is not my season. Never has. I need some motherfucker sun. Now.
I know I am very productive, active, smart, hardworker, and fun. But I seem to be lacking some motivation. I even stopped writing when no long ago I blogged about how much I was enjoying getting back on that mode, the writing and expressing myself through it. Writer's block strikes, and I am left alone. What is wrong with me? Am I the only one that has this happened? Is this my mid-life crisis? What is mid-life crisis?
I guess the main point is, if you guys have anything going on, and it's not too expensive of course because I am a broke hoe with lots of bills, let me know. And make sure I follow through. So far, I have signed up for the ILLUMINITE RUN with a friend, and I'll try to convince Mitch; that way if I die halfway through the run, I won't die alone. And he won't get a chance to be happy after my death haha
I'm open to suggestions. Don't let my 2013 go to waste!

I am looking forward to our bday weekend next month, but besides that, not much going on. Maybe Cinco de Mayo, but that's lame. And Fourth of July, but I hate fireworks. Then Pride, but I can't stand the gays. I kid I kid. As you see, my choices seem to slim to none. Save me?


Thursday, March 7, 2013

March Madness

It's the beginning of a new month, and pretty soon, another season as well. I took a break not because I wanted to, but because my computer was messed up. It's been fixed so I'm back in business, and while I was away, I fully realize how important writing is to me. It makes me feel complete. It's like a load taken off my shoulders, being able to speak my mind without watching what I say trying to spare somebody's feelings. I can always go back and edit, put it down in a different way, be reasonable. I am an adult, I don't have the time to argue with others; I am too old for that. My mother taught me better than that, and life shaped me up with this theory: "I could stoop down to other people's level, but it's unfair when they can't step up to mine."

In the past weeks several things have happened, and I'll tell you if you're interested on keep reading.
One is, I got a raise in my pay at the restaurant where I work at as manager if I come back full time; of course I said yes. The schedule is more flexible than that bank so it works out perfectly. I turned in my two week notice at the bank, and it was  hard to do it because I had bonded with everyone, and leaving is sad. But I have to do what I have to do; I have a family to support, and things to accomplish in life. Another offer was made by the bank, and it works out just fine as well so I took it. Ain't nobody own me so I am going to do what it's good for my floofies and me. My work ethic is very good, I must say, and perhaps that's why these two jobs take chances on me, who knows!
The restaurant, for sure, has been the best of all. Since 2009 that I began as a crew member, they've got my back, and throughout the years, we've been faithful to each other. Perhaps is not the best job, or what I want to do for the rest of my life, but for now it's paying the bills, and I am damn good at it too.
The bank is challenging due to the language barrier, but I surely try my hardest. Mitchell helped me keep strong when I thought I couldn't do it. He made me think it twice before I made any hasty decisions. He believed in me when I myself didn't, and I thank him for that; he's always been there for me from the start. No wonder why we're still together, right?

My family, mother and brothers, are going through their own issues, but life itself is okay. We've been through worse, definetly. Bills and regular stuff that everyone has to deal with, no biggie. Let's just keep working hard, and never giving up. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.